


The Last Laugh

by lezlies



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:28:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23869051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lezlies/pseuds/lezlies
Summary: Date night, Vulcan style.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 6
Kudos: 102





	The Last Laugh

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published in Cheap Thrills 2 (1981)
> 
> Everyone has a first story. This was mine.
> 
> I'm sorry.

Spock looked around the small restaurant impatiently. An important research project was in a very critical stage and he would have preferred to be back on the ship giving it his personal attention. Instead, he had spent the evening attending a musical entertainment that he had found neither entertaining nor particularly musical. Looking across the table, he observed his bondmate reading the menu and finishing his second drink.

It was because of Jim that he had relented and spent this evening planetside. The Enterprise was undergoing minor repairs, and the crew was enjoying an unexpected three-day leave. For two days, however, Spock had chosen to stay on the ship, clearly disappointing Jim.

Unlike Spock, Jim had appreciated the musical and was in good spirits. Since catching up on paperwork was hardly an adequate substitute for a three-day leave, Kirk enjoyed just getting away from the ship. And the civilian clothes he and Spock were wearing made it easier for them to relate to each other as people rather than as fellow officers.

"What are you having?" Jim asked.

"I will have the salad."

"What a surprise!"

Spock was about to make an appropriate reply, when he saw Jim's expression change to one of distaste. Following the captain's gaze, Spock saw two men being seated several tablas away.

"Are you acquainted with them?" Spock asked.

"The big one is named Drake. He was an instructor when I was at the Academy. He was trouble." Jim paused, as if trying to shake off the memory."But he's definitely not worth ruining this evening. I think I'll have another drink. And I'll try the salad, too."

"Now _that_ is a surprise," Spock retorted, picking up on Jim's desire to change the subject.

Their dinner conversation ranged over several topics, although by tacit agreement neither of them spoke of the ship. After they had finished eating, Jim excused himself and headed for the men's room, rather unsteadily, Spock thought. He noticed that Jim walked right by Drake, not even looking at him, although the other man did turn and watch Kirk go past.

Spock wanted to know more about Drake so he listened to the older man's conversation when it became apparent that Jim was the subject.

"Yeah, that's the famous James T. Kirk. galactic wonderboy and hotshot starship captain. He's probably on his way to the _ladies_ room,” Drake said archly.

“You mean he’s…”

“That’s what I heard over at the base.”

“That’s not so unusual,” his companion retorted.

“With a Vulcan?” Drake asked bemusedly.

“You’re kidding? One of those uppity, tight-assed Vulcan’s?”

“Well, if the Vulcan’s tight-assed, you can bet that Kirk ain’t,” Drake replied. Both men broke into sarcastic laughter. “I knew Kirk when he was at the Academy. Real weird, even then. Too pretty, if you know what I mean. I'll bet he got the Enterprise by putting out for some old admiral."

"It wouldn't surprise me. You know, I've heard some really strange things about Vulcans. Something called Fon Parr, or Far Ponn -well, anyway, they turn into real animals when they do it. They own their mates."

Their speculations were interrupted by Kirk's reappearance.

Spock was angry, so angry that when Jim got back to the table, he stood up and told him that he was going back to the ship. Jim followed him out to the street and decided to give it one more try.

"I've heard of this great hotel..." Jim's voice trailed off when he saw Spock giving him THE look. THE look meant no, a very emphatic no. Jim shrugged, reconciled to spending the remainder of the evening alone while Spock worked.

The Vulcan hailed a cab to take them back to the base, and remained silent during the ride. He couldn't forget the conversation he had overheard. He realized that some people reacted negatively to same-sex relationships, and that even more objected to Humans getting involved with aliens. But the conversation he had overheard wasn't a discussion of ethical objections. The derisive attitude and malicious comments shocked Spock. He'd left to avoid the Captain being embarrassed -- and to keep him out of a fight.

Only to keep Jim from being embarrassed. It embarrasses you, as well.

No, I am not embarrassed. Jim has a command image to maintain, and those comments would have upset him.

He is human. He knew about those attitudes before he bonded with you. He realized that his personal life would become an open topic of conversation when the relationship became known, yet he still chose to bond with you, even knowing that it could affect his opportunities for career advancement. You should let him know that what the two of you share is worth all the problems you must cope with.

He is aware of my feelings for him.

That is fine, but how often do you show him how you feel?

Spock glanced over at Jim, who sat looking out the window. How could he show Jim? Maybe if he was the one who...no...certainly not here...why not?

Studiously ignoring the driver, Spock edged toward Jim. Hesitating for only a moment, he reached over and turned Jim's face toward him. Ignoring the startled expression in Kirk's eyes, Spock kissed him firmly, letting his arms slide around him as the kiss deepened.

Shocked, Jim pulled back. What the hell? he thought fuzzily. Spock never makes the first move even when we're alone -- but in a taxi? Maybe this is a dream. I knew I shouldn't have had that funny-colored drink.

Releasing Jim briefly, Spock rapped on the driver's window. "Driver, please take us to the Golden Inn," he said calmly. He noticed that the driver didn't seem very surprised.

"Spock, you-" Whatever Jim wanted to say was stopped by Spock's mouth covering his. He felt himself shifted around so that he was lying back in Spock's arms. He stopped analyzing Spock's strange behavior and decided to enjoy it, no matter what the cause.

Suddenly Kirk felt himself being dropped unceremoniously onto the seat. He opened his eyes, startled to see the Vulcan climbing out of the taxi. The next thing he saw was the doorman, calmly waiting for him to get out. Mustering his best innocent expression, he sat up and started out of the cab, belatedly realizing that his shirt was completely unbuttoned. Ignoring the doorman's leer, he belatedly re-buttoned it. Spock was paying the driver, tipping him precisely.

Jim attempted to regain his composure before registering. In the past Spock had always managed to hang behind, leaving Jim to deal with the clerks. This time, however, Spock started toward the desk, not even looking to see if Jim followed.

KirK caught up with him at the desk, but before he could open his mouth, Spock was speaking. "I would like a room for the night." He paused as he remembered Jim mentioning, on more than one occasion, something their quarters lacked. Wanting to please Jim, he said, "If possible, I would like one with a large bathtub. And have a bottle of champagne sent up right away."

Jim blushed furiously at the bathtub remark. He and Spock would have to have a little talk about subtlety-like what it was, to begin with.

"I'll have to check your credit rating, sir," the clerk said coldly.

Spock's eyebrow rose at the unexpected request, but he handed her his credit card.

While she was waiting for the approval, Jim noticed that she was staring at him. The way she's looking at me you'd think my fly was...

Wishing the floor would open up and swallow him, Jim nonchalantly zipped his pants, then flashed the clerk a rueful grin, wondering when Spock had had the time.

"Sorry for the delay, sir," she said at last, ignoring Kirk. "Suite eleven twenty-one is very comfortable." She rang for the bellhop who had been watching the scene with interest.

"Is your luggage in the taxi?" she asked pointedly.

"There is no luggage," Spock replied.

The bellhop winked knowingly at Kirk.

In a flash of illumination, Jim knew the reason for the wink, the credit check, and the strange looks.

He...She...They ALL think Spock picked me up, or something, Jim thought incredulously. Chagrined, he realized how they could have gotten that impression.

As usual, Spock had overdressed, looking as if he had just attended a meeting of the Vulcan High Council. And maybe, just maybe, Jim realized, he himself could be slightly under-dressed in his plain green shirt and comfortable (well-worn) well-fitting (tight) brown trousers. No luggage, a well-dressed Vulcan, a scruffy Human, large bathtub, and champagne. Jesus! They probably think I'm a pro!

Barely keeping a straight face, Jim followed the bellhop and Spock to the lift. The bellhop introduced himself as Ralph and gave them the usual spiel while showing them the room. Spock tipped him, but he hung back, trying to catch Kirk's attention. Curious, Jim walked him to the door.

"I've never seen you here before," Ralph whispered mysteriously.

"Maybe because I've never been here before," Kirk responded conspiratorially.

"Give me your name and a number to reach you, and for--oh, let's say--twenty percent of the action, I can act as a referral service."

"Ten percent," Kirk bargained.

"Fifteen," Ralph countered.

"Okay. The name is McCoy, and the number is two-four-four-two," Jim said, trying to sound street-wise.

"It'll be soon; you're a real looker." Ralph grinned and left. As soon as the door closed, Jim broke into hysterical laughter.

When he saw Spock's look of curiosity, he dropped onto the bed, laughing even harder. Finally, he wiped his streaming eyes and accepted Spock's help up.

"Don't you know what's going on?" Kirk asked.

"What 'action' was he referring to? Why did you give him the Doctor's name?"

"He thought...hell, Spock, they ALL thought that you picked me up!" Seeing that Spock still was confused, Kirk tried again. "They think you paid me for...uh...services soon to be rendered."

Stunned, Spock said, "They believe that I paid you to accompany me to this establishment for the purposes of having a sexual encounter? They took you for a...a...?" Spock couldn't bring himself to say the word. "The bellhop was offering to procure customers for you?"

Kirk wished he had a picture of the Vulcan's expression. He looked so - well, green. Jim almost expected Spock to go down to the desk and, in a very dignified manner, make it quite clear that he was not with a hired companion. However, that didn't happen.

Wordlessly, Spock took Kirk's arm and led him over to the couch, pulling him down to sit beside him. He reached over, slowly unbuttoned Jim's shirt, and pulled it off carelessly. Then he sat back, appraising Kirk. "Twenty-four credits for dinner, eight for the cab, three for the driver, one for the doorman, one hundred and twenty-three for this suite, and five for Ralph. I hope you are worth one hundred and sixty-four credits."

"I'll certainly do my best," Jim replied, slightly shocked at the way Spock was playing along with the joke.

Spock pushed him down on the couch and began kissing him very thoroughly. Just as Jim was reaching for the fastening of the Vulcan's tunic, the door buzzer sounded.

"You're the one who ordered the champagne," Jim said when Spock made no move to get off him.

Looking very impatient, Spock tossed Kirk his shirt and went to the door.

Two can play at this game, Kirk thought. Instead of putting on the shirt, he pulled off his boots, pants and socks. I'll be damned if I let him have the last laugh. He draped himself over the couch in a caricature of seduction and shut his eyes, anticipating Spock's shocked reaction. He was soon rewarded by an almost inaudible sharp intake of breath which he recognized as a Vulcan gasp. Grinning in triumph, he opened his eyes, then quickly shut them.

Think carefully, he ordered himself. You saw Spock, a serving cart, and Ralph. Ralph! When will I ever learn? he berated himself. Why did I wear the brief briefs? Why am I such a jerk? Deciding to act as if nothing was amiss, he started to sit up.

"Don't move. I enjoy looking at you," Spock commanded calmly, certain that Jim felt as ridiculous as he looked.

Ralph uncorked the bottle and poured two glasses of champagne, unfazed by the scene. "I'11 pick the cart up tomorrow," he said discreetly, and left, after accepting another tip.

"That's another five credits," Spock stated expectantly. "What will you do to earn it?"

Angrily, Kirk jumped off the couch and stood in front of the Vulcan. "I'll kill you, that's what I'll do for it. I've never been so embarrassed in my whole life," he sputtered.

Spock tried to look repentant, but the sight of Kirk, clad only in his briefs, shouting at him, made control impossible.

Kirk reached for his discarded pants, but paused before putting them on. He wanted to finish telling Spock exactly how mad he was before going back to the ship. He opened his mouth to yell, but stopped. Spock was smiling at him. Finally, amusement won out over outraged pride, and Kirk threw the pants back down, realizing how ridiculous he must have looked.

Seeing Kirk's change of attitude, Spock moved toward the couch again.

"Hey, you paid a hundred and sixty-nine credits for the bed. Let's not waste your investment," Jim reminded him.

"The price includes the bathtub," Spock said mysteriously. He picked up Kirk, who quickly grabbed the champagne.

About three hours later - 3.24 to be exact - Jim sat leaning back against the Vulcan. Both of them were wrapped in bath towels, and Kirk was finishing the last of several glasses of champagne.

"No more champagne," Jim murmured sleepily as Spock started to refill his glass. "You have a lot to learn about picking someone up. You're supposed to get 'em drunk first, then do what we just did."

Spock didn't reply; instead, he lay the empty glass aside and wrapped his arms around Kirk, holding him tightly.

"Spock," Kirk began hesitantly, "tonight was really great, but and don't get me wrong - what got into you? I mean, right in the taxi? You surprised the hell out of me by checking into the hotel and everything."

"I wanted to," Spock said simply.

"You seemed upset at the restaurant;" Kirk was unwilling to accept Spock's answer. "Then in the taxi you were awfully quiet, and then - whammo! Did something happen to upset you?"

"I overheard a conversation that doesn't merit repetition," Spock said unwillingly.

"It was Drake, wasn't it? What did he say?"

Spock nodded reluctantly. "Drake informed his associate of our relationship. They then proceeded to speculate about rumored Vulcan sexual customs that reflected badly on you. Drake also intimated that you received command of the Enterprise by - the phrase he used was, "putting out for some old admiral."

"Bastard," Kirk muttered.

"Hearing them made me realize how little attention I have given to reactions to our relationship. By bonding with me, you have opened your life to much speculation which could harm your career advancement." Spock paused. "I brought you here to show you how much I love you. However, I didn't intend to embarrass you with the inept way in which I handled the arrangements."

"Well, you were a bit...um...indiscreet. But it was hilarious. Now, that nonsense about my career. You are more important than anything else in my life. Besides, people as ignorant as Drake are thankfully few, and they certainly aren't in charge of handing out promotions."

Spock was still disturbed. "Have you heard other conversations like Drake's?"

"A few," Jim admitted, "but I figured people that ignorant aren't worth the bother of worrying about. I should have told you about Drake at the restaurant, but I didn’t want to upset you. Remember that talk about my feelings about homosexuality before we bonded when I told you how angry I got when I was propositioned and how a few times I almost didn't have a choice? Well, Drake was probably the worst. I was seventeen, and he was a phys ed instructor. I was working out after hours and I went to take a shower.

To make a long story short, I turned around and there he was. He propositioned me and I said no. I wasn't obnoxious or anything; I just told him I wasn't interested. He got pissed, said some really crude things, and tried to force me. We fought, and I got away. Boy, I ran fast. I was scared shitless."

He felt Spock's arms tighten reassuringly around him and turned to look at him. Rage covered the Vulcan's face. "Calm down. It happened a long time ago. That's why I didn't tell you at the restaurant. I didn't want you to deck him. Hey, don't let that creep ruin our night."

Forcing his anger under control, Spock nuzzled playfully at Kirk's neck.

"Did you get your money's worth?" Jim asked, hoping to restore the light mood. "After all, if I expect Ralph to keep me in his stable I can't have any dissatisfied customers."

Spock pretended to consider the matter seriously. He lay down, pulling Kirk with him. "I'll let you know later," he murmured as his hand moved to unfasten the towels. "I may have to give you a bonus."

Spock woke early the next morning knowing that he had to return to the ship and work on the report. Giving an almost Human sigh, he looked down at Jim, who was sleeping peacefully, his head pillowed on the Vulcan's shoulder. Carefully, he moved him to the other pillow and rose.

Showered and dressed, he started to leave the suite when he stopped abruptly. He returned to the bed and looked at Kirk. Chiding himself for being illogical and sentimental, he spent the next few minutes in quiet activity. Then he kissed Jim gently and left.

Several hours later, Kirk woke up and immediately realized that Spock was long gone. He still hadn't been able to convince Spock that sleeping in was really very logical.

As he sat up, he noticed a piece of paper on Spock's pillow. Curious, he picked it up, read it, and burst into surprised laughter.

Jim: I received my money's worth. Please feel free to order breakfast on my account number. I shall give Ralph an excellent report. Spock.

Attached to the note was Spock's credit card. Jim ordered the most expensive breakfast on the menu. Spock had gotten the last laugh after all.


End file.
